# Andrea Wachter > Courses and meditations for healing anxiety, depression, overeating, and body image. ## Posts - [Do You Eat When You’re Bored?](https://andreawachter.com/do-you-eat-when-youre-bored/): If you find yourself wandering to the kitchen when there’s a blank space of time in your day, or mindlessly eating while you scroll on your phone, you’re not alone. Boredom-induced eating is one of the most common topics I get asked about in my “Getting Over Overeating” course. I’ve definitely been there myself. Any time I had a free moment, I immediately turned to food. I know how frustrating that cycle can be and how easily boredom can become a signal to check out with food. Boredom as a Messenger Most of us tend to think of boredom as a […] - [Can This Moment Be Enough?](https://andreawachter.com/can-this-moment-be-enough/): Many years ago, I attended a weekly mindfulness gathering. Just above the entrance to the room where the group met, there was a sign that read: Can this moment be enough? My honest reaction when I first saw those words was a hard no. At that time in my life, I rarely felt like I was enough, or that the moment I was in was enough. Like many people, I was focused on what needed to change (in me, others, or the world) before I could finally relax or feel at peace. Over the years, as I continued along the path of mindfulness […] - [4 Criteria for Choosing a Lifelong Partner](https://andreawachter.com/4-criteria-for-choosing-a-lifelong-partner/): Most of us were never taught how to choose a life partner. We feel attraction and assume that will be enough. Maybe we love someone and think that love is all we need for a successful long-term relationship or marriage. Many of us end up learning by trial and error without a solid framework to guide us. For most people, the relationship patterns we witnessed between our parents and the other people close to us play a huge role in who we choose. For some, that’s great news. They grew up with role models who were loving, respectful, and inspiring. They naturally gravitate […] - [What to Do When You Don’t Know What to Do](https://andreawachter.com/what-to-do-when-you-dont-know-what-to-do/): You know those moments when clarity suddenly shows up in your gut. Maybe you just know it’s time for bed. Or you sense a need for fresh air, or connection, or quiet. You get an urge to look up an author and learn from them. Or an unexpected urge to stop listening to content that no longer feels right. Maybe a friend comes to mind out of the blue, and you feel moved to reach out to them. Sometimes, you’re deciding whether or not to do something and the answer becomes instantly clear. You’re not forcing it. It’s simply an […] - [Tired of Being Tired?](https://andreawachter.com/tired-of-being-tired/): If you struggle with insomnia, you probably know that the harder you try to sleep, the more riled up you get. Here are some gentler ways to approach wakeful nights. First up is reassurance. It can help to think about a situation, or maybe more than one, that you struggled with in the past, something that felt endless, yet you found ways to move through it. Even if sleep challenges have been with you for a long time, new layers of healing and understanding are always possible. This might be a chapter that’s asking for patience and new tools, but […] - [When Depression Depletes Motivation](https://andreawachter.com/when-depression-depletes-motivation/): If you struggle with depression, you probably know how heavy it can feel, as if an invisible weight is pulling you down. One of the most painful ironies of depression is that it often drains people of the energy and motivation they need to take steps that might help them feel a little better. If this sounds familiar to you, here are a few concepts to consider. Self-Berating Is Not Motivating People who suffer from depression tend to be highly self-critical. I’ve heard many clients and students use painfully unkind labels to describe themselves, like “failure,” “loser,” “lazy,” or “wallowing.” If […] - [How to Soothe Anxious Sensations](https://andreawachter.com/how-to-soothe-anxious-sensations/): Anxiety has become a daily reality for many people. Sometimes it shows up as a stream of racing thoughts. Other times, it arrives as a flood of uncomfortable sensations in the body. For many people, it’s both—a powerful chemical cocktail of worrisome thoughts and unpleasant feelings. Of course, if there’s a specific situation that’s fueling anxiety, and there’s something you can do to address or change it, taking action can be an important first step. But what about those moments when your body is filled with anxious energy and there’s nothing actually happening, other than your body being filled with […] - [Navigating Climate Change Anxiety](https://andreawachter.com/navigating-climate-change-anxiety/): For many people, the topic of climate change stirs up deep emotions like anxiety, helplessness, and hopelessness. While these feelings are a reflection of care and concern for the planet, if we allow ourselves to live in consistent states of worry, we drain the energy and clarity we need to take meaningful action and create positive change. If you find yourself caught in cycles of climate change anxiety, here are some ideas for you. Self-Compassion It’s so important to meet your emotions with compassion. Allow yourself to fully feel what arises in you and meet your feelings and sensations with […] - [A Heartfelt Letter from Your Body to Your Mind](https://andreawachter.com/a-heartfelt-letter-from-your-body-to-your-mind/): If you’ve innocently downloaded a bad body image from our appearance-obsessed culture, this letter is for you. May these words help you foster compassion and appreciation for your body and reclaim more moments of your precious life. Dear Mind, This is your body. I want you to be kind to me. Do you know how unbelievably painful it is to be constantly critiqued and criticized? Do you know that kindness and compassion lift me up and harsh criticisms take me down? I need you to stop bullying me. I need you to value and appreciate how much I do for you […] - [How to Skillfully Communicate With an Unskilled Communicator](https://andreawachter.com/how-to-skillfully-communicate-with-an-unskilled-communicator/): Do you often find yourself in conversations where the other person seems uninterested in what you have to say? Do some of the people in your life monopolize conversations, interrupt frequently, or constantly complain? Does someone in your life seem to have an unending struggle with anxiety and depression that leaves you feeling powerless and drained? Do you dread reaching out to certain family members or friends, just hoping to “get it over with”? While it might be tempting to limit contact with people we find challenging to speak with, it’s not always that simple if it’s a family member, […] - [A Practical Way to Ease Worry](https://andreawachter.com/a-practical-way-to-ease-worry/): Does this scenario seem familiar? You’re going about your day and suddenly you’re overtaken with butterflies in your belly and worried thoughts in your mind. Your worries might be attached to certain situations in your life, or they may not even have a specific topic or target. All you know is that the pit in your stomach and the tightness in your chest are back (or rarely leave) and your mind is swirling with unpleasant, unhelpful thoughts. You know that there’s nothing you can or need to do in the moment to tend to the topics you’re worried about, yet […] - [18 Strategies to Ease Social Anxiety](https://andreawachter.com/18-strategies-to-ease-social-anxiety/): Many people experience some level of pre-social apprehension, but for some, the idea of a social gathering, presentation, or romantic date brings up dread and panic. If you’re someone who becomes terrified by the mere thought of going out of your social comfort zone, consider trying one or more of these tools. Out of the Mind, Into the Body Tuning into our breathing and our senses provides easily accessible alternatives to the anxious mind movie channel. You can slow down or deepen your breaths; notice any shapes or colors you see; tune into the sounds you hear or the surface […] - [Aging Hatefully or Gratefully](https://andreawachter.com/aging-hatefully-or-gratefully/): When you look in the mirror, what do you tend to think? When you see photos of yourself, what’s the first thing that usually pops into your mind? When you glance down at your body, what feelings arise? You are not alone if your responses are on the negative, critical, and painful side. Body dissatisfaction and body hatred are rampant in our image- obsessed culture. While we can’t single-handedly and immediately change the culture, we can work on changing our own minds and upgrading our negative body image soundtracks. If you are one of the millions of people who dislikes […] - [How to Soothe a Worried Mind](https://andreawachter.com/how-to-soothe-a-worried-mind/): Worrying can be extremely draining. If our minds are consistently running off into worst-case “what if” scenarios, it’s not only stressful and unpleasant, but it also tends to cloud our internal wisdom. This makes it challenging to know exactly what we need in any given moment. Like children, our worried minds need compassion, wisdom, soothing, and redirection. Given that you’re with your mind 24/7, you are the best person for the job. If you’ve been unable to effectively calm your worried mind, the following words can help. You can read them to yourself and imagine that your wise mind and […] - [When a Feeling Is Not Really a Feeling](https://andreawachter.com/when-a-feeling-is-not-really-a-feeling/): One of the most important aspects of healthy communication is being able to share our feelings, thoughts, and needs respectfully. But, what happens when commonly used words are expressed as feelings, but are actually thoughts and assumptions about what someone else did to us? See if any of the following sentences sound familiar. Perhaps these are words that you’ve said, thought, or heard. “I feel abandoned.” “I feel manipulated.” I feel betrayed.” Although statements like these may seem and even claim to be expressing feelings, words, like abandoned, manipulated, and betrayed, are not emotions. They are words to describe what […] - [13 Ways to Quiet a Worried Mind](https://andreawachter.com/13-ways-to-quiet-a-worried-mind/): Our minds are basically recorders that play (and replay) their soundtracks all day long, sometimes all night long too. Some people have recordings that tend to be more pleasant and present. Some people’s thinking patterns lean towards the optimistic or realistic side. Others, not so much. Many people are plagued with worrisome thoughts that lead them to feel chronically stressed, anxious, depressed, or pessimistic. This is where compassionate awareness and regular upgrades come in. While we don’t have a say in the type of mind we were born with, or developed as a result of our life experiences, we do […] - [Stepping Off the Diet/Riot Roller Coaster](https://andreawachter.com/stepping-off-the-diet-riot-roller-coaster/): If you’ve been battling with ineffective diets and uncontrollable eating (I call this riding the diet/riot roller coaster) and are ready to find solid ground, consider these tips. Natural Eating For decades, there’s been an unnatural paradigm when it comes to appearances and food. Most of us have been told (or have decided) what size our bodies should be based on cultural programming. Then, we set out to eat in a certain way that will supposedly get us to this magical size. Or, we feel bad because we can’t. So, we give up and ignore our body’s needs. These patterns […] - [How to Deal with Morning Anxiety](https://andreawachter.com/waking-up-anxious/): If you commonly wake up in the morning filled with anxiety, you are not alone. Many people wake up with fight-or-flight sensations and feel baffled as to how they can already feel anxious when their feet haven’t even touched the floor yet. A variety of factors can play a part in morning anxiety: excess stress, low blood sugar, medication side effects, poor sleep, and hormonal changes, to name a few. Let’s say you just woke up and are greeted by a flood of anxious sensations. What do you do? Consider the following two scenarios of a parent responding to a child with […] - [Tips for Sleep Support](https://andreawachter.com/tips-for-sleep-support/): If you struggle with insomnia, you know only too well the effects it can have on your quality of life. Consider the following tips from a therapist who used to toss and turn the nights away and, with a few simple adjustments, developed a peaceful relationship with sleep. May these practices bring you the rest you seek and deserve. Attitude Adjusting Ironically, one of the biggest contributors to insomnia is worrying about insomnia. Most people who have difficulty falling or staying asleep have thoughts along these lines: Uh oh. What if I can’t fall asleep?I have to get back to sleep. How am […] - [How I Stopped Hating My Body](https://andreawachter.com/how-i-stopped-hating-my-body/): I began hating my body when I was a teenager. I spent years lost in self-criticism and the unhealthy behaviors I turned to in an attempt to quiet those constant criticisms. I know now that my unkind mind was really just trying to help. I thought that if I could attain the body size I was programmed to believe I should I be, I would live happily ever after. What a faulty system that was. The only way to attain and maintain a body that is not naturally meant for us is to live in an unnatural manner. There’s no happily-ever-afterness […] - [Trying Not to Try](https://andreawachter.com/trying-not-to-try/): If you are someone who has struggled with disordered eating and body image, there’s a good chance you have also struggled with perfectionism. If this is the case for you, you’re likely no stranger to the concept of trying. Back in the days of my eating disorder, my trying looked something like this: Trying to change my appearance Trying new diets Trying to recover from a binge Trying not to binge Trying to work out Trying to work out more (Pull up a chair, this could take a while!) Trying to improve my looks Trying to get a boyfriend Trying […] - [Tips to Support Conscious and Balanced Screen Use](https://andreawachter.com/tips-to-support-conscious-and-balanced-screen-use/): The average American spends 7 hours and 4 minutes a day looking at a screen. Digital burnout is a growing problem that’s taking a toll on people’s physical, emotional, and mental health. If your screen use habits could use an upgrade, consider the following menu of tips. Perhaps one or more can provide you with a realistic and helpful opportunity. Postpone picking up your phone first thing in the morning. You can use this time to envision how you’d like your day to go, practice mindfulness, or recite or do a gratitude list. Turn off any unnecessary notifications and alerts. Postpone […] - [Conscious and Balanced Screen Use](https://andreawachter.com/conscious-and-balanced-screen-use/): Screens and devices can be incredible. They give us access to an endless stream of information, enable us to work from home, attend virtual classes and groups, visit with long distance loved ones, play fun games, watch movies, even read articles about screens! Screens can also be incredibly draining, leading many people to feel isolated, disconnected, anxious, sleep-deprived, and depressed. So, how can we use screens and devices in a conscious and balanced manner that doesn’t zap us of our vital life force energy? Here are five points to consider if your screen-use habits could benefit from an upgrade. Conscious Awareness Screens can absorb our attention like […] - [The Path of Anxiety Relief](https://andreawachter.com/the-path-of-anxiety-relief/): If you struggle with anxiety, perhaps you will relate to the following scenario: Imagine you are on a path. I will call it the path of anxiety. One of the most common experiences on this path is anxious physical sensations, a chemical cocktail of cortisol and adrenaline that can bring on a knotted stomach, a racing heart, trembling, fatigue, headache, brain fog, or nausea. In addition to anxious sensations, many people experience worrisome thoughts on the path of anxiety. I call them the “What ifs.” What if this happens? What if that happens again? What if it doesn’t happen? Usually, anxious thoughts lead to anxious sensations, […] - [3 Essential Steps to My Recovery](https://andreawachter.com/3-essential-steps/): It’s pretty safe (and sad) to say that when I reflect back on how I spent the first half of my life, the majority of moments were lost to food and body obsession. What is even sadder is that I am so not alone. Millions of people lose millions of moments to the pursuit of perfecting their appearance. Fortunately, as I healed, I felt inspired, as many do, to pass along what I had learned, and it has been an honor to spend the last three decades helping others overcome their food and body battles. While many factors led me […] - [Tendency for Codependency?](https://andreawachter.com/tenadency-for-codependency/): This blog post was co-authored by Andrea Wachter, LMFT, and Marsea Marcus, LMFT Do you often focus on the needs of others but ignore your own? Do you find yourself preoccupied by how your loved ones are doing? Do you have difficulty expressing your feelings and needs in your relationships? Do you feel compelled to jump in and try to fix others when they’re struggling? Do you regularly sacrifice your own self-care for the sake of others? Do you offer support to others without even checking in with your own needs? All of the above questions are indicators of codependency. […] - [6 Turning Points That Were Essential To My Recovery](https://andreawachter.com/6-turning-points/): As an eating disorders therapist and survivor, I am often asked if there were certain turning points along my personal journey of recovery. You know, those fork in the road, “Aha” moments when things began to turn around, really turn around for the better? While I have countless memories of disordered behaviors and thoughts: fad diets, isolated binges, and shamefully sneak eating, just to name a few, I have also had a handful of “Aha” moments that stand out as beacons along the path. If you are deep in the throes of an eating disorder, or in the midst of […] - [Exercising Intuitively](https://andreawachter.com/exercising-intuitively/): I don’t know about you, but I spent years under the “No pain, no gain” spell. I exercised and “worked out” regardless of my internal or external conditions. I often felt those uplifting endorphins, but the high always faded. I never felt much peace, calm, or confidence in its wake because I was terrified to skip a day, rest, or modify according to my body’s messages. It wasn’t about what I loved to do or how my body wanted to move. It was about trying to fit into the culture and whatever size clothing I deemed acceptable at the time. […] - [Helping Teens Get Over Overeating](https://andreawachter.com/helping-teens-get-over-overeating/): Parenting a teen can be a bumpy ride—they need you around, but often don’t want you around as they navigate friendships, love interests, school, homework, hormones and future goals. And as if all that wasn’t enough, today’s teens also have to contend with the constant images and messages they see on social media, telling them how they should look, eat, exercise and feel. Many teens simply aren’t equipped to handle the traditional pressures of adolescence, as well as the additional pressures of being a “screenager.” As a society, we’re all given endless rules about food and fitness. It’s hard enough […] - [Dealing With Feelings About Healing](https://andreawachter.com/dealing-with-feelings-about-healing/): Chances are, you came to this site because you’ve been struggling with an eating disorder. And chances are you are here because you have a desire to heal. If you are anything like I was, you might even have mixed feelings about healing; part of you wanting to get better and part of you that’s really scared about what that will entail. The good news is that all you need is some desire to get well in order to begin getting well. You may already know that beating yourself up about your behaviors is not going to help heal them. […] - [Getting Over Overeating for Teens: Talking with the Author](https://andreawachter.com/getting-over-overeating-talking-with-the-author/): This blog post was co-authored by Andrea Wachter, LMFT, and Janice Bremis. I was recently interviewed by Janice Bremis, founder of Eating Disorders Resource Services, to discuss my new book, Getting Over Overeating for Teens. I’m posting our discussion in the hopes of reaching any teens, parents and health professionals who might benefit from this resource. Please help spread the word by forwarding or sharing this interview on social media. Janice: What sparked the idea for this book?  Andrea: Overeating, binge eating and body hatred are epidemic in our culture, and I’m passionate about trying to help people who are struggling with these painful issues. I began hating my body as a teen […] - [8 Ways To Upgrade Your Relationship](https://andreawachter.com/9-ways-upgrade-relationship/): It seems like it should be natural to treat our partners with love, consideration, and respect. Yet, for many people in long-term relationships, the warmth and kindness that were present in the early days of dating can fade over time. Most people treat their partners with the utmost respect and kindness in the courting stage. The relationship probably wouldn’t have progressed if they hadn’t. Why do so many people present the best version of themselves early on, and over time, treat their beloved partners with disrespect, disregard, and sometimes even disdain? In some cases, it‘s simply because we haven’t been […] - [9 Ways to Improve Body Image](https://andreawachter.com/9-ways-to-improve-body-image/): This blog post was co-authored by Andrea Wachter, LMFT, and Marsea Marcus, LMFT. Body dissatisfaction is an epidemic in our image-obsessed culture. If you are a member of the unofficial “club” of women who dislike or despise their bodies, you may have discovered that the daily dues are high and the long-term benefits are low. But membership in this body-bashing club is hard to avoid, with people speaking the club’s not-so-secret language and recruiting new members just about everywhere you turn. We call this club’s language “Fat Chat.” Fat Chat is when people talk about food, fat, or other peoples’ […] - [Healing Body Image: Pulling Mental Weeds and Planting New Seeds](https://andreawachter.com/healing-body-image-pulling-mental-weeds-planting-new-seeds/): In a recent session with a client, we discussed the painful, insidious, incessant, and automatic nature of her bad body image thoughts. Since this particular woman loves to garden, I chose a metaphor I knew she would relate to. I told her that she is not responsible for the demeaning thoughts she has about her body because she did not plant the seeds in which those thoughts took root. Our culture did.  And she doesn’t choose to have such hurtful thoughts sprout up on a regular basis; nobody would consciously decide to have such painful thoughts. I suggested that her […] - [Book Excerpt from Mirror, Mirror on the Wall: Breaking the “I Feel Fat” Spell](https://andreawachter.com/book-excerpt-from-mirror-mirror-on-the-wall-breaking-the-i-feel-fat-spell/): Children are not born with a bad body image. They learn it. They learn it from the culture and the media, or from relatives, friends, and schoolmates who learned it from the culture and the media. And since body hatred is an epidemic in our image-obsessed culture, there is no shortage of places for kids to learn to dislike their bodies. As a psychotherapist who has been specializing in eating disorders for over 25 years, I have been helping people of all ages who battle with their bodies to varying degrees. Whether they are dealing with a full-blown eating disorder, less severe “disordered eating,” or painful body image issues, they all deserve […] - [Is Worry Useful?](https://andreawachter.com/is-worry-useful/): It’s human nature to worry. Having spent a lot of my time lost in the depths of worry, I’ve often wondered if it’s actually useful. When it comes to worries, I like to distinguish between spinning and solving. Spinning is when our minds weave their fearful futuristic “what ifs” and there’s really no productive or effective outcome. Our nervous systems take the brunt of the worrisome webs our minds spin and nothing really gets resolved. Solving, as opposed to spinning, is when we bring conscious awareness to the content of our worries and determine if there’s something we can actually […] - [5 Ways to Rekindle the Spark in Your Relationship](https://andreawachter.com/5-ways-to-rekindle-the-spark-in-your-relationship/): This blog post was co-authored by Andrea Wachter, LMFT, and Steve Legallet, LMFT Remember the feelings you experienced when you first started dating your spouse or partner? Perhaps you felt excitement, attraction, and anticipation? As the relationship has progressed, has it been difficult to maintain those initial feelings? Once life’s responsibilities, careers, kids, and the passing of time are added to the mix, that initial spark can easily diminish if we don’t keep it stoked. Fortunately, the spark of intimacy and closeness can be reignited. It is possible to rediscover the special connection that initially brought you and your partner together. If […] - [The Benefits of a Responsible Adult Tantrum](https://andreawachter.com/the-benefits-of-a-responsible-adult-tantrum/): Tantrums are usually associated with children and are often considered unpleasant and unwanted. But what if we could welcome and accept tantrums the same way we do stormy days? And what if tantrums weren’t just for kids? Couldn’t we all use a healthy, conscious, grown-up tantrum sometimes? Our emotions appear like weather patterns. We just get to choose whether we judge them, numb them, lash them out at others, or responsibly allow them up and out. When I was studying to become a psychotherapist, a professor once told me that people generally seek therapy for one of two reasons: They’re […] - [How Many Likes Are Enough?](https://andreawachter.com/how-many-likes-are-enough/): As a therapist who enjoys writing, several years ago I decided to hop on the blogging bandwagon. Having received a moderate number of likes and positive feedback, it seemed for a while that nobody was worse for the wear and maybe a few people even benefited. Then came the day when one of my blogs seemed to strike a chord. A friend called me first thing in the morning and excitedly said, “You have thousands of likes on your new blog and they are increasing by the minute!” “That‘s great,” I said. “But maybe the counter is broken!” So, with […] - [6 Things I Wish I’d Known When I Was Battling Depression](https://andreawachter.com/6_things_to_know_when_battling_depression/): I spent many years struggling with depression. After learning some important tools that helped me heal, I became passionate about helping others do the same. If you are feeling depressed, I hope these ideas can help you too. 1.  Catching ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts) We generally don’t have a choice about the types of thoughts that pop up on the screen of our minds. They are usually a result of our personality traits, life experiences, and how we process what happens to us. But we do have a choice about whether we become aware of our thoughts, and what we do next. When […] - [A Body Apology: Taking a Step to Befriend Your Body](https://andreawachter.com/body-apology/): Body dissatisfaction is rampant in our image-obsessed culture. In my psychotherapy practice, I’ve worked with kids as young as six years old who were already hating their precious bodies. I’ve treated people in their eighties who’ve been at war with their bodies for as long as they can recall. And I’ve seen nearly every age in between who bear the brunt of the cultural spell of body perfection. I was lost in the brambles of a bad body image for decades. After many years and tears, I made a vow to befriend my body and as a result, I was moved […] - [The Benefits of Being Highly Sensitive](https://andreawachter.com/advantages-highly-sensitive/): Have you ever been told that you are too sensitive? I sure have. I always felt different than most of the people around me. I seemed to take everything to heart, while others seemed so much more resilient. My siblings seemed unaffected when our parents scolded us, and I wanted to disappear in a spiral of shame. I felt crushed when a budding romance didn’t bloom into a full-blown relationship, while my closest friends seemed unfazed when it happened to them. I could barely recover from relationship glitches, while others seemed to bounce back unscathed. It took many years for […] - [Two Simple Words to Improve Your Relationship](https://andreawachter.com/two-simple-words-improve-relationship/): You’ve very likely heard these two words from your parents when you were growing up. If you’re a parent now, you may even say them to your own kids. They’re about as sensible as basic hygiene and car tune-ups. “Be nice.” I remember finishing up a particularly heated therapy session with a couple. My clients were getting ready to head out the door when the husband turned to me and said, “Can you give me a few words to keep in mind this week?” I said, “You bet I can: Be nice!” It sounds so simple. How hard should it be […] - [A Letter For Your Isolated and Hard to Reach Teen](https://andreawachter.com/a-letter-for-your-isolated-and-hard-to-reach-teen/): This blog post was co-authored by Andrea Wachter, LMFT, and Steve Legallet, LMFT As family therapists, we are seeing more and more young people who are suffering from various degrees of depression, anxiety, addictions and social isolation as they try to mask all of the emotions and negative consequences associated with theses self-defeating behaviors. We also see many concerned and baffled parents who struggle with trying to find ways to help their wounded and isolated kids. If you have a son or daughter who is suffering, addicted, depressed, anxious, isolated, angry and/or shut down, here are some words that you […] - [Speaking vs. Stuffing Your Truth](https://andreawachter.com/speaking-vs-stuffing-your-truth/): Most of us do not easily speak our truth. Our behavior is determined by years of conditioning. We are told, “Be nice and polite,” and “Don‘t hurt anyone’s feelings.” We may be so bogged down with shoulds and shouldn’ts that we find it hard to identfy our true feelings and needs, much less respectfully and responsibly communicate them to others. There are basically four options when it comes to speaking vs. stuffing your truth: Option number one is to stuff our truth down — also known as passivity, and this can potentially lead to problems with substance abuse and/or feelings […] - [Barnacled, Boundaried or Balanced: What’s Your Attachment Style?](https://andreawachter.com/barnacled-boundaried-or-balanced-whats-your-attachment-style/): “I dated her for a while, but she got way too clingy.” “I was interested in him at first, but then he became needy and controlling.” “I love my husband, but sometimes he‘s so distant that I don’t know what’s going on with him.” “I want things to work out with my girlfriend, but whenever I get too close, she withdraws.” Do any of these statements sound familiar? In the psychotherapy world, they are all signs of unhealthy attachments. In the first two examples, the complaint is about someone getting overly attached while the latter two signify distancing or under-attachment. […] - [Can Our Connections Last If We Multitask and Move Too Fast?](https://andreawachter.com/can-our-connections-last-if-we-multitask-and-move-too-fast/): At the risk of sounding like my great-grandmother, longing for the good ol‘ days, I can’t help but think back on simpler times when people would come home from work, throw their mail down on the counter, check their answering machine for messages and call it a day. These days it’s more like checking voicemails while driving home, checking emails and Facebook once we arrive, Tweeting out something clever, and Instagramming some selfies while checking the queue on the DVR! Now I have nothing against modern technology. I think it’s miraculous and revolutionary. Yet I often find myself wondering, can […] - [What To Do When Your Partner Is Thinking of Leaving](https://andreawachter.com/what-to-do-when-your-partner-is-thinking-of-leaving/): It seems to me in our great grandparents and grandparents’ era, people seemed to stay together no matter what. In today’s fast moving, perfectionistic world people seem quick to leave no matter what. In my therapy practice, I often help ambivalent clients differentiate between deal-breakers and deal-makers. Should they stay or should they go? But what about the partner they are thinking of leaving? If your partner is thinking of leaving you, here are some tips to help you navigate this painful chapter: It’s Not All Your Fault Despite what your partner may say, the fact that they are thinking […] - [How to Stop an Argument in Its Tracks](https://andreawachter.com/how-to-stop-an-argument-in-its-tracks/): Fortunately, my husband and I don’t argue very often. I think that’s partly because we’re both psychotherapists who’ve had a lot of training in communication skills. It’s also because neither of us has any problem saying we’re wrong about something, nor do we have any difficulty apologizing when it’s called for. We also both really want to live in an atmosphere of peace. When stuff does come up between us, we’re both motivated to resolve it as soon as possible, and for the most part, we know how. That being typed, there have been some bumps in the road; times […] - [What to Say When You Don’t Know What to Say](https://andreawachter.com/what-to-say-when-you-dont-know-what-to-say/): Do you ever have those moments when someone says something that renders you speechless? Your brain gets flooded, your tongue gets tied, and you simply don’t know what to say? Perhaps later you think of what you could have said or wish you’d said. Or maybe you get support from someone else who suggests what might have been a respectful and helpful comeback. You may wonder, Why didn’t I think of that? Many people feel like a deer in headlights when someone says something that feels hurtful or out of left field. With no prepared comeback, we may be speechless. Much […] - [Self-Parenting: What’s Your Style?](https://andreawachter.com/self-parenting-whats-your-style/): Parenting and nurturing a child involves many things: How we speak to our children, how we treat them and what we teach them, to name only a few. How we engage in these behaviors can also apply to how we parent ourselves. Whether or not you are the parent of a child, if you are old enough to read this blog, you have more than likely adopted a style of “self-parenting.” In my years of counseling clients, I have noticed that when it comes to self-parenting, most of us tend to adopt either our parent‘s style of parenting (sometimes attempting […] - [Emotions 101: How to Reveal and Heal What You Feel](https://andreawachter.com/emotions-101-how-to-reveal-and-heal-what-you-feel/): One of the most important aspects of being human is the fact that we have feelings —all day long. And yet, rarely are we taught healthy ways to cope with them. Who among us learned about coping with emotions in school? And how on earth did such an important lesson get glossed over? How many of us were taught in our families that it‘s healthy and healing to cry or safely express our anger? (And this is not because our parents or teachers were bad people. In most cases, it’s because they were not taught how to deal with emotions […] - [Confessions of a Recovering Perfectionist](https://andreawachter.com/confessions-of-a-recovering-perfectionist/): I used to be a perfectionist. Actually, it would be more accurate to say I was a black-belt perfectionist! Not that I ever came close to being perfect, but I had an internal program that told me I should be. My quest for perfection didn’t make me perfect, but it did bring me a whole lot of misery. Every time I did or said something that I thought I shouldn’t have, I beat myself up: I can’t believe I said that! How can I ever let this go? What will they think of me now? I think I really blew it […] - [Stop ‘Shoulding’ On Yourself](https://andreawachter.com/stop-shoulding-on-yourself/): “I shouldn’t have said that.” “I shouldn’t have done that.” “I shouldn’t have eaten that.” These are common phrases I hear from clients in my counseling practice. So many people are so hard on themselves so much of the time, believing that self-criticism will help them attain their goals. Many of us have all been raised with a “no pain, no gain” attitude. Our plugged-in culture runs at such an unnaturally fast pace that it’s led to an epidemic of stress, anxiety, and depression. Many of my clients think that self-berating will get them in line or keep them in […] - [Mind Movies](https://andreawachter.com/mind-movies/): Most people walk around lost in thought. It can be very enticing to spend the majority of our time thinking about the past or the future, and as a result, miss out on the present moment (otherwise known as reality!) Many years ago, when I began to read books on the topic of mindfulness, it was like someone took a bag off my head. I hadn’t realized how much time I lost to being lost in thought. I have authors like Eckhart Tolle and Leonard Jacobson to thank for the “bag lifting” and I now spend many more moments of […] ## Pages - [Disclaimer](https://andreawachter.com/disclaimer/) - [Cookie Policy](https://andreawachter.com/cookie-policy/) - [Blog](https://andreawachter.com/blog/) - [Sessions](https://andreawachter.com/sessions/) - [Meditations & Talks](https://andreawachter.com/meditations/) - [Interviews](https://andreawachter.com/interviews/) - [Books](https://andreawachter.com/books/) - [Courses](https://andreawachter.com/courses/) - [About](https://andreawachter.com/about-me/) - [Contact](https://andreawachter.com/contact/) - [Home](https://andreawachter.com/) - [Privacy Policy](https://andreawachter.com/privacy-policy/) [comment]: # (Generated by Hostinger Tools Plugin)