If you commonly wake up in the morning filled with anxiety, you are not alone. Many people wake up with fight-or-flight sensations and feel baffled as to how they can already feel anxious when their feet haven’t even touched the floor yet.
A variety of factors can play a part in morning anxiety: excess stress, low blood sugar, medication side effects, poor sleep, and hormonal changes, to name a few.
Let’s say you just woke up and are greeted by a flood of anxious sensations. What do you do?
Consider the following two scenarios of a parent responding to a child who is experiencing morning anxiety. As you read them, imagine that the child represents your anxious feelings and the parent represents the way you typically respond to them.
Which scenario feels most familiar?
Scenario One A child struggles with anxiety. They often wake up with a busy mind that spins with all the worst-case scenarios of the day. This morning, the child climbs into bed with their parent and says they feel like there’s a rock in their chest and butterflies in their tummy.
The parent responds by telling the child these feelings are not okay and agrees that a lot of scary things can happen. The parent lets the child focus on the anxious feelings and watches as they get even bigger. Then the child starts to panic. The parent tells them even more scary things that could happen and how something might really be wrong.
After a little while, the parent gets distracted by their phone. Finally, the parent tells the child they need to just get it together. They rush the child through the morning routine and grab a banana for them on the way out the door.
Scenario Two A child struggles with anxiety. They often wake up with a busy mind that spins with all the worst-case scenarios of the day. This morning, the child climbs into bed with their parent and says they feel like there’s a rock in their chest and butterflies in their tummy.
The parent responds by wrapping their arms around the child. They tell them it’s okay to feel afraid. They ask the child to share everything they’re worried about. After listening, the parent offers compassion and gently reassures the child that the scary thoughts in their mind are made-up stories and that none of those things are actually happening right now.
The parent points out several things that are real and true in the present moment. They ask the child to notice the softness of the blanket as they snuggle in even closer. They invite the child to feel the pillow and the mattress underneath their body, gently suggesting they try to relax their body while paying attention to their breathing.
Next, the parent asks the child to name several things they can see with their eyes, hear with their ears, and feel with their hands and feet. They remind the child of many times in the past when they felt anxious about things that either never happened or that they got through and hardly even remember.
The parent opens one of their favorite guided meditations on their phone and invites the child to listen with them. They reassure the child that it’s completely okay if they still feel scared in their tummy while listening. They can simply breathe and follow the teacher’s voice as best they can.
Then the parent makes the child a mug of warm tea. Even though the child says they have no appetite, the parent prepares a delicious, nutritious breakfast and encourages them to eat as much as they can.
The parent plays the child’s favorite songs while the child takes a warm shower and gets dressed for school. On the way to school, the parent reminds the child that hard things pass and that they can and will get through this. They explain that we are all born with different temperaments and that some of us have to work a little harder to quiet our minds. They remind the child that there are gifts that come with the way they are, even if they can’t feel that right now. Finally, the parent says, “I love you,” and reminds the child that they are deeply lovable, even when they have big feelings.
Does either scene resemble how you usually speak to or treat yourself when you’re experiencing challenging emotions?
While it might be hard to imagine speaking to a child like the parent did in the first scene, that is sadly how many people speak to themselves when they’re anxious.
If you struggle with morning (or anytime) anxiety, imagine the anxious feelings are your child and your wise, compassionate mind and respectful actions are the parents. Offer yourself compassion and comfort. Anchor yourself in the present moment. Give your sensations permission to exist while questioning their accompanying stories. Treat yourself like a loving, conscious parent would treat their child. Reassure yourself that all sensations, emotions, and thoughts pass, and notice the effects of your own comfort.
